


Go Float Yourself

by TerressaWinner



Series: Lionheart [7]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: 7x12, Brainwashed Bellamy Blake, Cadogan is a monster!, Clarke is going crazy!, Clarke really needs a hug, Echo is less mean!, F/M, Fluff, Future chapters will come!, I had to re-watch scenes from Season 1 to 7 for this! XD, I really don't know what to say, I was crying when I wrote this!, Levitt is nice, Lots of angst! Like A LOT, M-Cap, Miller is nice, More characters I can't be bothered to write down, Octavia and Clarke are bonding!, Octavia is really nice!, POV Clarke Griffin, SO MUCH ANGST!, Season 1 to 7 (but not season 6 yet) are included in the memory thing, Season 4 still had me crying so damn hard!, Slow Burn Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, So many memories!, So many tags to add..., Spoilers, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, THIS IS NOT A ONESHOT!, The 100 (TV) Season 7 Speculation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:00:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25975579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TerressaWinner/pseuds/TerressaWinner
Summary: Clarke gets tortured in M-cap while Bellamy watches battling over his feelings as he watches her suffer over and over again in her memories. Watches her in so much pain. So much that she decides to end it herself. Because she is Wanheda. Commander of death. And it's time she brought that name to use...----Then she stopped and turned around.Time seemed to slow down as she looked into Bellamy's eyes and he looked into hers. She saw the warmth of the Bellamy she knew. But she knew it wouldn't last long. He'd be brainwashed again and again. So she let the tear she'd been refusing drop and said the words she never thought she'd ever have to say to her best friend. To the man that had comforted her. The man she'd comforted. The man who spoke with his heart, not his head."Go float yourself."ORThe other season 7 ep 12 fanfics talk about her confessing to Bellamy and focus more on her memories of when she was trying talk to him on the radio, but although I would jump in joy if anything Bellarke happens in the last 5 episodes, I just can't see Bellarke happening anymore😣. In other words, I couldn't find what I was looking for so chose to write it myself!😊
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Octavia Blake & Clarke Griffin
Series: Lionheart [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1671265
Comments: 35
Kudos: 144





	1. May We Meet Again

**Author's Note:**

> [ **Important, please read** ] 1. The sentences in italic are her memories.  
> 2\. They're going to be looking (of course) at Clarke's POV.
> 
> [ **Warning** ] Major angst ahead. I legit cried as I wrote this!
> 
> [ **Spoiler alert!!!** ] this chapter's going to be quite long because I'm including scenes from pretty much every season. (Except season 6)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke gets tortured in M-cap while Bellamy watches battling over his feelings as he watches her suffer over and over again in her memories. Watching her in so much pain. So much that she decides to end it herself. Because she is Wanheda. Commander of death. And it's time she brought that name to use...
> 
> \----
> 
> Then she stopped and turned around.
> 
> Time seemed to slow down as she looked into Bellamy's eyes and he looked into hers. She saw the warmth of the Bellamy she knew. But she knew it wouldn't last long. He'd be brainwashed again and again. So she let the tear she'd been refusing drop and said the words she never thought she'd ever have to say to her best friend. To the man that had comforted her. The man she'd comforted. The man who spoke with his heart, not his head.
> 
> "Go float yourself."
> 
> OR
> 
> The other season 7 episode 12 fanfics talk about her confessing and stuff and focus more on her memories of when she was talking to him in the radio, but to be honest, although I would jump in joy if it happened and if anything happened in the next 5 episode, I can't see Bellarke happening anymore😣. In other words, I couldn't find what I was looking for so chose to write it myself!😊

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ **Important, please read** ] 1. The sentences in italic are her memories.  
> 2\. They're going to be looking (of course) at Clarke's POV.
> 
> [ **Warning** ] Major angst ahead. Also, this is a pretty long chapter.
> 
> [ **Spoiler alert!!!** ] this chapter's going to be quite long because I'm including scenes from pretty much every season. (Except season 6)

**\----------**

They say that time's supposed to heal ya.  
But I ain't done much healing.

-Hello by Adele

**\----------**

"You're in an endless desert with a vast purple sky. A hand reaches out for your own. Whose is it?" 

The room stayed silent as the question hung in the air followed by her refusal to give in.

Cadogan sighed. "Clarke. Just answer the question."

She spat at him. "Go float yourself."

His eyes narrowed and he turned towards Bellamy. "What does that mean?"

Bellamy eyed Clarke before he answered. "On the Ark, people were floated as penance for their crimes. They were locked in the Airlock and forced out into space without a suit."

Cadogan's eyes turned towards Clarke. They stayed on her as he spoke. "Turn it up."

Levitt's eyes went wide. "Sir--"

"Just do it!"

Levitt eyes found Clarke's before he turned it up.

She bit her tongue refusing to let out any noise. She had to hold her head high. Not let the enemy know that what they were doing was hurting her. Not giving them the satisfaction.

She watched as her memories flew by. As they watched and read her through and through. As they learnt things about her she hadn't told anyone else.

They watched as she screamed and tried so hard to get to her father before the airlock shut tight sealing him away.

They watched as she took her first steps on the ground as though she were a baby that was taking it's first steps.

They watched as her and Bellamy argued before they chose to work together as co-leaders.

- _-"Calling Ark station. The hundred are alive."_

_\--"He poisoned the blade."_

She struggled fighting against the machine. Cadogan smiled as he looked at the screen. "Stop struggling Clarke."

_\--"Dad's dead because of you."_

She could feel the tears welling up but refused to let them drop.

\-- _"Oh my God." "What?" She watched as he broke out into a grin and lifted up the gun._

_\--"You want forgiveness fine, I'll give it to you. You're forgiven, okay? But you can't run Bellamy."_

\-- _"Finn, run!"_

She shook her head. "Please I'm begging you. Stop!" Her eyes turned to Bellamy's even though he wasn't the Bellamy she knew. "Bellamy. _Please._ " He just stared. Just stared at her then back at the monitor.

\-- _"It's been two days. Maybe the bomb at the bridge scared them off."_

They watched as she woke up in that white room. As she looked around wondering where the hell she was. She was so young back then. Not knowing the danger of the ground. Not knowing that her actions would bring disastrous consequences.

Cadogan grumbled. "We need to know about the flame. This doesn't help. Higher!"

Levitt's head whipped around. "Sir--"

Cadogan glared at him. His eyebrows furrowed but he did it anyway. He flinched at her screams. As she kicked her legs trying to escape.

_\--"Wait. there has to be another way!" "There isn't!" "Just give up Clarke. You have no place else to go." She looked at Anya and they shared a sort of agreement. But then Anya jumped. And then she jumped._

She remembered that day. The water was ice cold. She remember when the bullet shot Anya. When the gate opened and they dragged her in. When her mother healed her. When she ran into Bellamy's arms and Octavia smiled.

_\--"Now there's something I thought I'd never see."_

\-- _She looked at him like he was a monster. The bullets repeating over and over in her head as she watched a guy she'd loved murder innocents._

_\--"Clarke you have to save him. I owe him my life". . . "Then I'm a killer. I burned 300 of your people. I slit a man's throat and watched him die. I'm soaked in Grounder blood. Take me" . . . "I love you too"_

_\--"I can't lose you too, ok?"_

Her head turned towards Bellamy and even though it was tiny, so tiny it was barely visible and she was probably imagining it, he flinched.

_\--"Say something."_

Although they hadn't see it at the time, they could definitely see it now. Finn looking down at the cup.

_\--She held the radio up. "Don't make me do this."_

The gunshot went off and she felt herself flinch. She stopped struggling. She felt as though they were stripping her bare of her memories for the whole world to see.

"Get out of my head." Her voice was just barely a whisper. "GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HEAD!"

_\--"I have to save them." He put his hand on hers. "Together."_

At that time, his hand was warm. It was warm and it comforted her knowing that there was someone there that cared.

_\--"Clarke." "No seeing their faces every day is just gonna remind me of what I did to get them here." . . . "I bear it so they don't have to" . . . "May we meet again."_

Cadogan was getting impatient. "This is getting us nowhere!" 

Clarke watched as he made his way over to her. "Think Clarke. It doesn't have to be this way. Just cooperate with us!"

She stared him in the eyes and spat at him. "Go float yourself."

His eyes went narrow and he turned to Levitt. "Higher."

Levitt knew by now not to disobey. His eyes flicked to Clarke again but he looked away. He couldn't bear to look at her like this. In so much pain that he had control over. He could stop this. But he didn't.

"Neural link is engaged."

She pulled against her restraints as the dial went up. She'd felt pain. She'd been through so much. Yet this was something else entirely.

_\--She was relieved when she saw him again. He tucked her hair behind her ear. "I'll get you out of here." She shook her head and screamed. "Look out!" . . . "No please! Please don't. I'll do anything I-I-I'll stop fighting, just please don't kill him."_

_\--"You bitch! You wanted the Commander of death? You got her! I'll kill you!"_

Cadogan laughed. "I see you've always been this stubborn. I admire you. So strong. And yet your heart is so weak." He leaned down. "You should know by now that love is weakness."

Her eyes went wide as she though back to Lexa. The words she'd said "Love is weakness". They echoed in her head. 

_\--The doors opened and everyone watched as she walked in. She'd never felt so powerful. Wanheda. Commander of death. She never thought she'd have to use it to gain an advantage. To prevent a war. But as she kneeled down debating whether or not what she was doing was right, she knew that what she was doing right now would save her people. After all, what we did to survive didn't define us._

_\--"I'm sorry." Her heart sank as she watched him look at her as though she'd betrayed him. As she watched him walk away._

_\--"Pike is the problem. This isn't who you are."_

'This isn't who you are.' Her head turned towards Bellamy. This wasn't who he was. The Bellamy she knew wouldn't do this. 

_\--"Blood must not have blood."_

_\--"I don't want the next commander. I want you" . . . "In peace may you leave the shore. In love may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels until our final journey on the ground. May we meet again" . . . She watched as he cut her neck open--_

She shook her head. No! She couldn't let him see this. She struggled in her constraints.

Cadogan scanned the screen. His eyes flicked to her. "She's hiding something." He turned towards Levitt. "Higher Levitt!"

"Sir I--"

"Levitt, you know this is for the last war." 

Levitt's eyes went from the screen to him. Cadogan frowned. He was getting very impatient. Too impatient. He stalked over to the screen and pushed Levitt out of the way. His eyes landed on Clarke as he sent the dial higher and higher. He watched her scream. He watched her as she pulled and pulled. "Just give up Clarke."

She glared at him. "I've dealt with people like you. False Gods! People who think they know everything. That if others worship them, they can guarantee peace!"

Her brain was on fire. The words from the screen were distorted as images flew by.

_\--"Black rain will come first. There will be no drinkable water. Precancerous lesions will form on-"She's stalling" . . . "Let me ease the pain Clarke." . . . "You don't ease pain. You overcome it and we will." She pulled the lever. Another one. Another lever that changed the world. First Mount Weather and now this. A lever that would either let hundreds live or die._

She screamed. Her brain felt as though it were splitting in two. But she had to keep Madi safe.

\-- _She looked from their faces to the syringe in her hands. Another thing that would decide whether one would live or die. Another choice that would change history. "I bear it so they don't have to."_

_\--"People follow you." "Clarke-" "You inspire them because of this." She placed a hand on his chest just over his heart. "But the only way to make sure we survive is if you use this too." She placed a finger on his temple._

_\--"Clarke if this is one of those moment where you tell me to use my head-" "No. I was just gonna say, hurry."_

She could feel herself trembling as those emotions came back. How she'd felt. 

_\--She could only stare as she saw the rocket leave. Leaving her behind. But she carried on. If this was how she was going to die, she wanted to at least make is worth while._

His voice vibrated. "Sir--" 

Cadogan shook his head. "You stay out of this Bellamy."

Bellamy hesitated. She thought that maybe, just maybe he'd come to his senses as he took a step forward. But her hope shriveled up and died as he took it back. 

They watched as she struggled to move that satellite choosing to ignore the storm called 'death' coming her way. Cadogan sneered. "Brave Princess."

Her eyes teared up as he said the words she'd allowed only one person to say. "Go fuck yourself."

Bellamy could only watch as she barely - just barely made it to the lab. As she pulled off the helmet and coughed. Took deep breaths and cried out as her skin burned.

He twitched and looked at her. While they were in space rejoicing over the fact that she'd done it, there she was suffering.

_\--"I'm done! Do you hear me?" She looked up mad at the world. Mad at herself. "I've lost everything! I lost my friends, my father, my mother! I've got nothing left."_

He flinched as she cried. He watched her as she lay still in her constraints refusing to let a single tear drop. Refusing to give in. Just like the brave princess she was. The same princess he'd left on the ground. He held his breath as he saw her pull the gun out of the bag. As she placed it on her head. Ready to shoot. He almost let his resolve break. Almost. But he didn't. Because she didn't understand that what they were doing to her would save the world. He thanked the bird for coming at the right time. For showing her the only place on Earth that survived.

They watched as the screen changed jumping far into the future. She sat down on a log. Her hair cut short.

_\--She sighed looking down at the walkie talkie in her hands. "Here we go again." She looked up. "Bellamy, if you can hear me, you're alive. It's been 2,199 days since Praimfaya. I don't know why I still do this every day." She paused. "Maybe it's my way of staying sane, not forgetting who I am. Who I was." She took a breath in and another out. "It's been safe for you to come down for over a year now." She smiled but shook it off with a frown. "Why haven't you?" she paused again before carrying on. "The bunker's gone silent too--tell Raven to--look for the one spot of green -and you'll find me--in case--last time I see you--just--say--please don't feel bad--leaving me here--you did--had to do--"_

They watched as she looked up. They saw a ship. They could hear how her voice light up with hope.

_\--"Never mind. I see you."_

The screen went black then turned on again.

_\--"You don't want to talk, that's fine. Don't talk. But we'll see how you feel when we find whoever it is you're protecting." Diyoza stood up and turned around holding the radio up. "Change of plans ladies and gentlemen. No more prisoners." she turned to Clarke. "Shoot to kill."_

_\--"Please." "How many others are in the woods." "None. It's just the two of us. I am begging you. Tell him not to shoot" . . . "If you let her go, I'll tell you everything."_

"Who's 'she' Clarke?" Clarke glared at him and shook in her restrains. She had to think of something. Anything! Just not Madi.

_\--Diyoza leaned down. "What would I tell you would happen if you lied to me?" "I didn't lie. "I-I don't know--"_

Levitt flinched as Diyoza's hand connected with Clarke's cheek. He looked at Clarke. She'd been through so much. Then he looked at Bellamy. His eyes were wide and his mouth open. He knew that it was all his fault. That this was the moment when they landed.

_\--"Take her outside. Use the collar." McCreary smirked. "I thought you'd never ask."_

_\--"I wouldn't do that if I was you. You might burn your fingers."_

She screamed as the collar turned on. Her head burned. It burned and sizzled. Just like when they'd shocked her. The screen panicked. The images broke and flashed as though it was having a seizure. 

Cadogan turned to Levitt. "What's going on? What's happening!"

Levitt stuttered as he answered. "S-Sir her vitals are weak. She's reacting to the shock in the memory."

Cadogan frowned turning back around. "Keep going."

"Sir--"

"I told you to stay out of this Bellamy!"

Levitt turned to Clarke watching as she shook violently in her seat. "Sir, she might not survive. Her heart rate is too high and--"

Cadogan ignored him and cranked it up. He turned to Clarke. "Clarke it doesn't have to be this way! Just answer the question. You're in an endless desert with a vast purple sky. A hand reaches out for your own. Whose is it?"

He watched as the image changed. A face showed up. A young girl. "Who is she Clarke? Who is she!"

Bellamy stepped forward. "Sir, she's in a vital state. We shouldn't do this."

_\--"Diyoza would've killed me if not for you. Ma--di--be alone."_

"Clarke, who is Madi? Is it that girl? Who is she! Your daughter? Is she your daughter Clarke? Does Madi have nightblood? Does she have the key? I need you to tell me Clarke! I just need to know who had the key!"

Clarke shook her head. She wasn't going to let them know. She had to protect her friends. Her family. Madi. Her head turned. Bellamy.

"Who has the key Clarke?" What happened to the key!"

_\--"My little Na--"_

She screamed. She wouldn't let herself finish that sentence! Even if it meant dying. Yeah. If she died, everyone would be safe.

She turned to Bellamy and looked him in the eyes. She thought she saw the slightest bit of the Bellamy she knew. Whether or not it was there, it didn't matter. She opened her mouth to speak and whispered. "May we meet again." She saw as is eyes went wide and he took a step forward opening his mouth to speak but she looked away.

He screamed at her as she pulled her head forward and pulled it back with as much effort. And did it again and again. Who knew that the mighty Wanheda. Commander of death. Would end up killing herself to save lives.

She heard Cadogan's scream. "Guards! Stop it Clarke! Guards!"

The door shot open as the guards rushed in. "Stop her! She can't die!"

She kicked and flailed as they attempted to grab hold of her. 

Cadogan walked up to her looking her straight in the eyes. "You can't die Clarke. I need you to stop. We both do what we have to do to save our people."

She sneered. "You know what the difference is between us _Bill_?" She banged her head spitting out blood that seemed to find it's way into her mouth; the black contrasting the white of the floor. "I'm not afraid to die."

His eyes went wide. "Loosen her restraints! Do anything! Just don't let her die!" He turned to Bellamy. "Tell her to stop! She'll listen to you! She trusts you!"

Bellamy shook his head. "She doesn't trust me. Not anymore."

Clarke screamed as they took her restraints off and grabbed her. She screamed as they dragged her to the door. 

Then she stopped and turned around.

Time seemed to slow down as she looked into Bellamy's eyes and he looked into hers. She saw the warmth of the Bellamy she knew. But she knew it wouldn't last long. He'd be brainwashed again and again. So she let the tear she'd been refusing drop and said the words she never thought she'd ever have to say to her best friend. To the man that had comforted her. The man she'd comforted. The man who spoke with his heart, not his head. 

"Go float yourself."


	2. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Octavia bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ **Warning** ] Major angst ahead! You've been warned! But there is also some fluff.
> 
> I haven't watched season 7 episode 12 yet because it's still not out where I am so I'm just winging it! XD  
> Also, this chapter isn't that long.

**\----------**

Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds

-Oppenheimer

**\----------**

She screamed and kicked as they grabbed onto her struggling to get her into the room. Her friends looked up as she was pushed in.

Octavia's eyes went wide. "What the hell did you do to her!"

Clarke groaned and slumped on the floor; her head bleeding and her mouth coughed up blood from her biting her tongue.

A disciple turned around. "We didn't do anything to her." He looked at her. "She did it to herself." The door shut and he took one last look at her before walking away.

Miller's eyes scanned her. Her hair was a mess, all frizzy, and her head was bleeding badly. "Clarke, are you okay?" He watched as she nodded. Then laughed. Then nodded again.

"Clarke?" Niylah's voice wavered as she walked up to her friend and ex-lover. She put her hand in Clarke's. It was warm. Too warm. "Clarke, what happened? What did they do to you?"

Octavia barged into the conversation. "They shocked her. They forced her to share her memories. They hurt her and didn't stop. That's what happened."

Echo shook her head. "Clarke, I know I've always hated you, but no one deserves this. Grounder punishments were cruel, the physical pain excruciating, but I can't imagine the mental pain you had to go through."

Clarke nodded. The corner of her lip twitched up.

"Did you find an anchor Clarke?" Clarke looked at Octavia and shook her head.

"Not yet." A tear dropped down her cheek. "He just watched O. He just watched as Cadogan increased the dial higher and higher. They saw everything O."

Octavia nodded. "I know Clarke, I know." She shook her head. "That stupid brother of mine. First it was Pike and now it's this."

Clarke felt the bubbling in her chest and before she could help it, she burst out laughing. Laughing so much tears rolled down her cheeks. "You know what's funny?" She sniffed. "He left me. Then I left him. And now he's left me again." She frowned. "Is it every going to end?"

Silence filled the room. No one spoke. They didn't know what to say. Then Octavia broke the silence. "Clarke." She put a hand on her leg. "Clarke. Find an anchor. Find something. Anything. Don't let them do this. You need to fight it Clarke! You survived the grounders - no offense Echo - you survived the Mountain Men." She smiled. "You kicked A.L.I.E's AI butt! You survived the end of the world Clarke! And you survived the Primes! If you survived all of that, you can survive this."

Clarke shook her head. "No Octavia. The only reason I survived is because I killed people." She looked Octavia straight in the eyes. "I killed so many people. Wanheda killed so many people!" She shook and shifted her eyes to the side suddenly gaining interest in the wall. "I held a gun to my head Octavia. I held a gun to my head when I was left on Earth! I lost my friends." She mimicked her words. "I lost my father. I lost my mother." 

She put her hands on her head and looked down. "I'm done O. I can't do this anymore--"

"Don't be selfish Clarke!" Her head shot up as Raven spoke. "Think about Madi. How do you think she would feel if her mother didn't come back? She doesn't even know you're gone and yet she's waiting for you. She needs you Clarke."

Clarke vibrated and she stood up stumbling but catching herself before she fell. "Selfish?" She walked over to Raven. "Selfish!" She scoffed. "Raven, do you know how I felt when you hated me? When you left me on the ground to die just like my mother!." She laughed but cut it short. "What was it you said before? Oh yeah." 

She paused leaning in. "She stopped being a kid the moment you sent her down to die."

Raven's eyes went wide. "Clarke--"

"No! Don't speak Raven! You don't get to speak!" She walked back to the other side of the room. "I didn't want Shaw to die. I tried to save him! I tried Raven! I tried! But hey!" She shrugged. "Blame it all on me. Because whenever I'm around, people always die. Death follows me around like a shadow. _Wanheda_." 

She sat back down on the floor. All eyes were on her. She repeated the words she'd said years ago. "You want me to be the bad guy? Fine! I'll be the bad guy."

Raven opened her mouth to speak but closed it. She would only make it worse if she spoke anymore. And so she sighed and leaned against the wall crossing her arms together against her chest and focusing on anything besides Clarke.

Octavia watched her. Watched the woman who'd stole her Brother's heart, broke it and then stole it again. "Clarke. Remember Blodreina? Remember the woman who had to hide under the floor again as we escaped Praimfaya? Remember how I was after. How I enjoyed the pain. How I laughed. How I killed people for _entertainment_. To please the others? Remember who I used to be?"

Clarke nodded.

"I overcame it Clarke. I looked Blodreina in the eyes and stabbed a sword into her stomach. I defeated her."

Clarke nodded. 

"So Clarke. You look Wanheda in the eyes and you destroy her too. You are **not** Wanheda." 

Clarke nodded. Then laughed. She looked Octavia in the eyes again. But this time she saw Bellamy. Her warm eyes a reflection of Bellamy's. "Now here's something I thought I'd never see _._ the Red Queen comforting the Commander of Death."

Octavia smiled burst out laughing. "You know what Bell would say right now?"

Everyone smiled as Octavia and Clarke spoke, their voices merging together to make one voice. "Together."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters just keep getting deeper and deeper!😭 But don't worry, just like how where there is darkness, there is light, where there is angst, there is joy. I'm not going to make everything all deep and dark!


	3. Updating

So recently, I've been having . . . let's just say 'problems' which will unfortunately make it harder to read and write and understand things (also school is starting) and so my update times will be a lot slower.

Thanks for reading.


	4. I'm the BAD guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dark and lonely place speaking to an entity with a taunting nature.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been a while guys..well not that long, but whatevs!
> 
> **Quick Notes** : I just wanted to say how much I loved sassy Clarke in ep 12! All the sarcasm and the way Clarke buuurned Bellamy about his clothes and was all sassy with her arms and looking up and down! 🤣🤣🤣 Like, damn girl! Feisty! To be honest, I was considering ending this fanfic in the previous chapter because..well most (if not all) of us already know what's going to happen and stuff so I kind of lost motivation and that thrill of mystery. But I thought I'd at least end it with this chapter or the next. I was going to make it a long and very emotional journey. I'll still do that, but it just won't be as long as it was initially going to be. Basically, I'm gonna try and squeeze a bunch of angst and fluff and stuff in like one, two or three more chapters. 
> 
> [ **Warning** ] Angst ahead. Also, I used a Trigadasleng translator for and Trig I didn't know. Bad words (just one at the end).
> 
> [ **Trigger Warning** ] Angst. 
> 
> [ **Important Notes** ] Words and sentences in square brackets [] and italics are translations.

**\----------**

**Every false God** : Let there be light!

**Light** **:** Yeah, nuh uh. Nope!

\--Me

**\----------**

All this time I was finding myself  
And I didn't know I was lost  
I tried carrying the weight of the world  
But I only have two hands

-Wake Me Up by Avicii

**\----------**

" **Chon** **yu** **bilaik** **?** " [ _Who are you?_ ]

"I am Clarke of the sky people--"

" **Wrong** **sleng** **,** **klark** **.** " [ _Wrong language, Clarke_ ]

Her eyes opened - although she never remembered closing them in the first place - and she sucked in a breath before starting again. "Ai laik Klark kom skai kru, maun slayer--" [ _I am Clarke of the sky people, mountain slayer--_ ]

" **Ripa**." [ _Murderer_ ]

She hesitated but carried on."Princess gon the Ark, survivor gon Praimfaya." [ _Princess of the ark, survivor of Praimfaya_ ]

The darkness swept around her whispering its little demons in her ear. " **Heda,** " [ _Commander_ ] the voice sneered, " **No**..." it chuckled. **"** **KWIN** **gon** **wamplei** **.** **"** [ _QUEEN of death_ ]

"Ai laik nou Wanheda." [ _I am not_ _Wanheda_ ]

The darkness slipped away from her back and chuckled. " **Yu're** **right,** **yu** **laik** **nou** **Wanheda** **.** **Wanheda** **was** **nowe** **another** **raunon** **.** **Wanheda** **ste** **a part gon** **yu** **. An ugly part.** " [ _You're right, you are not_ _Wanheda_ _._ _Wanheda_ _was never another person._ _Wanheda_ _is a part of you. An ugly part._ ]

Clarke opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out.

" **Yu** **laik** **nou** **skai** **kru.** **Yu** **laik** **nou** **space kru.** **Yu** **laik** **nou** **tri kru.** " [ _You are not_ _skai_ _kru. You are not space kru. You are not tri kru_ ] The voice grew deeper, darker and angrier." **Chit laik** **yu** **! Chon** **yu** **bilaik** **!** " [ _What are you! Who are you_!]

"Ai nou know!" [ _I don't know!_ ] Her voice had come back, but broken. Broken and bruised. Frustrated and angry. "Ai nou know chon ai laik." [ _I don't know who I am._ ]

The darkness swirled around gaining momentum before stopping abruptly and returning back to her side. She felt it tickle the side of her neck before it disappeared with one final " **Pathetic** " leaving her in an empty space with only her and her alone.

She didn't know what to feel. Frustration? Irritation? Loneliness? 

Where was she? 

It was dark and scary. And cold. 

Her head turned at the smell of smoke and for the first time since...however long she'd been there, she saw the red and orange wisps of fire.

She knew it was stupid and could probably get her killed, but at this point she didn't really care and her legs had started moving on their own. 

The strange thing is that when she got there, the smoke didn't fill her lungs like they were supposed to. And the fire didn't burn.

She could only watch as it ate up a chunk of metal. But then it got her thinking.

Could fire eat metal? Would it not melt it? 

Then the flames burst replaced with screams and her eyes went wide.

She knew this.

This was a memory. 

She watched as the grounders screamed and the foul stench of burning skin filled the air. 

Then all went silent and the dropship door stuttered open.

(I can't remember if the fire was reddish orange or not in this scene or exactly how this scene went so I just rolled with it)

Then a hand touched her shoulder and she turned around but met no one.

" **Jus** **drein** **jus** **daun** **.** " [ _Blood must have blood_ ]

Her eyes narrowed. "Jus nou drein jus daun!" [ _Blood must not have blood!_ ]

" **Ste** **bilaik** **chit** **yu** **thought when** **yu** **put the chip in emerson's head?** " [ _Is that what you thought when you put the chip in Emerson's head?_ ]

"He-Em deserved em!" [ _He deserved it!_ ]

" **Ste** **bilaik** **chit** **yu'll** **say when** **Belomi** **bleeds by your--** " [ _Is that what you'll say when Bellamy bleeds by your--_ ] the voice paused.

"What do you mean. Carry on! What's going to happen to Bellamy!" She panicked forgetting all about the rule.

" **Wrong** **sleng** **,** **Kla** **\--"** [ _Wrong language,_ _Cla_ _\--_ ]

"Tell me about Bellamy!" She grabbed at thin air. "Tell me!" 

The darkness formed a cloak around her obscuring her view of the fire. " **Yu** **nou** **order me** **raun** **Klark** **.** " [ _You do not order me around Clarke.]_

"Who ARE you!" 

The air shifted and she felt the adrenaline rush in her bones and her stance change involuntarily screaming at her to run. But her feet were rooted.

" **Ai'm** **ugly.** " [ _I'm ugly_ ] The voice shuddered before laughing. " **Ai'm ruined.** " [ _I'm ruined._ ] The laugh broke off with an ear-shattering screech. " **Ai'm the FOTO guy.** " [ _I'm the BAD guy._ ]

The darkness swelled and grew swallowing her whole. 

" **Ai'm yu.** " 

[ _I'm you._ ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this one was quite short but I did that for a reason! I won't tell you the reason cos that'll just reduce the suspense. But! Know that the next chapter will be longer. And also, I'M BACK B*TCHES!!! 🤣I'm sorry, I had to!

**Author's Note:**

> 😭😭😭😭😭 Too sad! The season 7 episode 12 trailer had me crying rivers! Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter!


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